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DancinKris
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Name: Kristine
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 10/7/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: dancing, keeping good friends close by, and being happy.
Expertise: I know how to solve a ten year old homicide, register you for classes, imitate a gingerbread cookie for a good hour, show you that whole new perspective that is eternally optimistic and probably no where near based in reality, and provide never ending friendship on the side!
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/26/2003
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| Classified: Wanted: future roommate.
I am easy to live with. I insist on playing country music. I do not like punk or anything that you would twirl a glow stick to. Cookie dough is a major food group, as is fast food and the only thing I will keep in the fridge is a brita filter and cheese. I may, on occasion, also have bread and butter. I will, however, manage to bake at least 3 times a week. I do not tolerate talking during TV shows unless it is on a commercial and no matter how important or engrossing said conversation is, it must cease when the show returns. Grey’s Anatomy is sacred. I procrastinate, and will try and get others to procrastinate with me. I really like to clean common areas, not my room.
I hold people accountable. One hundred percent of the time. If you’re going to be a part of my life you need to figure out how to articulate your thoughts and be able to defend your opinions. I do not tolerate ignorance or uneducated comments, and I will call you out on it. I demand excellence and I will challenge those around me. I am loyal and good at keeping up long distance relations. I like to email and leave post-its everywhere. I believe in being classy, not trashy, and enjoy drinking hot tea when it is raining outside. I am a strong believer in clichés and catchphrases: tough times never last, tough people do. Everything happens for a reason. life aint always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful life.
I have an unhealthy obsession with all things Disney as well as dogs. I am definitely passive aggressive in an argument, and I take things too personally. I will twirl and leap a lot. I am responsible. I try and have a good attitude, but if I am in a bad mood you can expect chocolate chip cookies and Closer to be playing. I have terrible study habits, but am a phenomenal student.
I have friends who are going to change the world. They are loyal and compassionate and humble. I talk to them a lot. I have a past that has changed who I am and am still learning how it will continue to affect me. I hate bad grammar. I am judgemental and cynical, but also optimistic and forgiving. I do not like to let people disappoint me, and chances are I will find an excuse for other’s behavior. I see potential in people. I hope they rise to the occasion. I love to shop at hallmark. Hallmark ties life up in a pretty bow and lets you sign your name at the bottom.
I am scared of new beginnings. I do not like change because my life is pretty damn close to perfect right now. I prefer coffee bean to starbucks, think target is a never ending mecca, and have recently decided to read a book on life by the Dalai Lama. I love being a student. I will respect everyone until you give me cause not to, then good luck. I don’t forget, and once you fall off that pedastool its hard to climb back up. I strive to be selfless with those I love. I want to be remembered as someone who deserved what they got, for better or for worse. I want to inspire others the way others have inspired me. I love the smell of pine, probably because it reminds me of Christmas. I love Christmas: the lights, the smells, the presents and the music. I play Christmas carrols in November.
I have high expectations; for myself and others. I think the world of my family. My parents are amazing and my happiest moments are when they tell me that they are proud of me.
I take too many pictures and set my alarm 30 minutes early so I can push the snooze button half a dozen times so that I feel like I am cheating the world and getting extra sleep. I love bagels and eating out on Sunday mornings. I get lost easily when I drive, and prefer to wander aimlessly until I find my way again. I really love when toes are painted red. I depise running, but enjoy swimming. I wish my car had a sunroof and that I didn’t feel guilty when I sleep past noon. I love the text message symbol, and I love real mail even more. I hate cell phone rings. I think hot dogs from the vendor on the side of the street are amazing, and most food I cook is done in the mircrowave.
I like mandarin tonics, sex on the beaches, cornona with lime, and I despise drinking when the sun is out. I wish I was a better surfer. I do not like vegetables except broccoli, which I love.
I don’t like tap water, second hand air, or waiting to be picked up at airports. I have flown a plane, fired a machine gun and solved a ten year old homicide. I think vegas is beautiful, and could watch the bellagio fountains for hours. Seeing the monuments in DC can bring me to tears.
I am ready to start something new. And I refuse to have regrets.
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| “Just let me die” I vocalized at the top of my lungs as I tried to thrust my horizontal form through the pavement of the parking lot like a crime scene chalk outline. Although, given my current state of being, it probably sounded more like “jess la me die!” emphasis on die. With my education, you would have thought it would have dawned on me that I couldn’t actually splice my human form through the pavement of the AV parking lot, but I was determined.
4 hours earlier I sat at the bar with Starkman and Jamie docilely sipping a vodka tonic. Looking forward to what we affectionately titled “our first mer and mer bartending experience” which we naively assumed would predicate the future experiences we were determined to make into a routine. When we finally got behind the bar I learned two things: that high heels and the floor mats don’t go well together, and that everything gets hazy when you drink for free and discover that your future career should include making what I affectionately nicknamed “incredible hulks” (or was that their real name… the haziness blurs the memory).
As the cop drove through the parking lot, I heard the slightly panicked voices of Schwarz and Stephen trying to pry my (hopefully) lifeless form off the ground. Maybe it was real panic in their voices, not entirely sure. I hopped up, determined to be “sober” (emphasis on the air quotes) and teetered into the house. I’m not sure how many steps it took, but I managed to regain consciousness on the floor of the downstairs bathroom and realized that I was 1. hugging the toilet, and 2. Raquel was with me.
We were trying to take a picture of us taking shots candidly. Which means you pose with the shot in your hand smiling in anticipation and call it an action shot. I was too far gone at this point to realize that I was supposed to wait, I was already in the action, and the picture itself shows me laughing with an empty shot cup and Jamie laughing and trying to take hers.
“Why are you such an erratic driver?!” someone was screaming. I thought it was me, but then again, I thought I was about to die, so I couldn’t possibly be coherent enough to criticize someone’s driving, could I? “I’m going 40 mph on the FREEWAY,” Schwarz tried to explain to me (I guess it was me screaming), “drink the water!” water, being a term loosely used to describe the weeks old warm cucumber saturated bottle of half consumed crystal geiser under the rear seat. “I think she needs fresh air” and suddenly my whole head is being forced out the window against my will in hopes that the night breeze will sober me up. On the freeway. When I think I am going to die. And I have just ingested old cucumber water.
They told us we were done, and neither of us wanted to leave. I tried to explain in what I considered to be my most convincing voice that this night was the best night of my life. that it couldn’t possibly end then. That I really felt like this place was my home. That bought me probably 7 extra minutes and the shots that pushed me onto past brink of belligerent that I had been teetering on. I remember trying to be very polite as I cut in front of people to get to the bathroom trash can in time. I remember greeting Schwarz repeatedly and being surprised to see her every time I realized she was there with me. There was a disagreement with a bouncer, and a text message that shouldn’t have been sent, and some inappropriate PDA.
I woke up the next morning upstairs and on the bathroom floor again. It took me a full weekend to recover, at which point alcohol and I took a much needed hiatus as my body put itself back together.
Lets hope round two this Thursday goes better. Lauren and I are bartending Thursday at Sharkeez, with every intention of regretting that we have office jobs on Friday.
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| "Ok, listen up. Im going to be really really honest with you. Because you’ve been my best friend since fall 2002 and you deserve that much from me.
YOU’RE BEING REALLY SELFISH KRISTINE."
So started my day today. And I was being selfish. And I still am being selfish. And I can recognize that, but its not changing anything. I have a friend at Disney who broke up with her boyfriend in high school. She is almost 21 and told me that she is still waiting for him, that even though he has a new girlfriend, she is still waiting for him because he will answer her calls. That a phone call every now and then is enough for her to keep waiting, to keep her life on hold. I wanted to tell her she was being crazy and naïve and stupid. Maybe I should have. But she wanted to hold on. Desperately. I could hear it in her voice.
I know I’m holding on. The pictures are still up. I wont pick up my stuff. I still check stupid facebook everyday. Its been over a month. Time to let go.
I can say it. I can write it. I can understand and take a step back and get perspective. And I can adamantly refuse to accept that. I wont accept that. Not yet.
I want happily ever after. I want forever and always. I want to know that I can fix anything, everything, and anyone. I want to be presented with a problem, find a solution and move on. Its not my problem to solve. Its not my situation to control.
“but I think this time he’s made it clear, like, I need to do this myself”
and don’t we all? And isn’t that the biggest obstacle right now? What happens when someone cant do it themselves? What happens when you watch them fall. When you keep watching them fall and you don’t reach out and help them back up. You watch as things fall apart, and sidelined, there is nothing you can do.
Somebody died. Somebody died and I’m upset about a phone call. A phone call. How insignificant. Someone I love is hurting and struggling and piecing their life back together, and I sit here and judge and am angry because I am not getting my way. Because I am being really selfish.
Allie is selfless. If I was to pick an adjective to describe her the first thing that comes to my mind is selfless. Then loyal.
I used to be. And I justify my selfishness right now, because really, I want to be there for him. But I want that for me. I want the reassurance that I’m going to be ok, and I’m looking to validate it in the wrong place.
Ive never lost anyone. Ive never dealt with heartbreak. I’ve been sheltered my whole life and this year ive been forced to confront it all. Except no one has ever died. I don’t know how that feels. I cant relate. But I sit here and I judge because I would have done it differently. I know that’s not fair.
I talk about fair a lot these days. What is fair, who is being fair, life’s not fair. Unfortunately, the only person that really affects is me. You can choose to control your attitude or you can let it control you.
I used to think my strongest attribute was my ability to control my attitude. I could make a decision, stick by it, and accept it.
Then someone made a decision for me. One I couldn’t change, one I didn’t want, and one I cant force them to take back. Its been the biggest test of my character to date. Some days I pass. Some days I don’t. and most days I know that eventually, I will have to stop hiding behind hope, excuses and memories. That life goes on. That Jennifer aniston has it a whole lot harder.
Being a woman is hard. Thats what Lauren said. “one day you think you can rule the world and a few hours later you want to crawl into bed and sleep for a year”. Growing up is hard. We’ve had it too easy I think.
Everybody says that true colors come out in the bad times, not the good. That how you react in a crisis is a true reflection of your character. Or maybe, in a crisis, we hit our absolute lows to remind us of how good it really is. I would NEVER define myself by how I acted in the desolate times. I want to remember how bad it was, and how much I persevered to get through the bad times. The bad times should not define who you are. They are moments that are hopefully few and far between and that way, they can be minor character flaws and not life-defining moments of self-recognition. I would hate to recognize myself in a crisis. I would prefer to lose myself.
I told someone I didn’t know who I was. That I was lost, and I didn’t recognize myself. If we cant recognize ourselves, how can we define ourselves by our actions?
I said, “I am disappointed in you, and I don’t know who you are, and its hard for me to believe you.”
Watch me prove you wrong.
And then somebody died. And selfishly, I am waiting to be proven wrong. Someone’s world stopped and I cried for myself, not for them. True colors? I hope not.
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| i went through a profound change last week. profound because i didnt want it. i didnt expect it. and i dont know if i should call it change so much as re-discovery. last week i doubted myself. i've never done that before, and i didnt really know how to react to this sudden unexpected emotion that was foreign to my entire sense of being. it shook me to my core because while i challenge others, where i love to play devils advocate, i have always been 100% confident in myself. i have always understood the way i think, the way i react and i have always been secure enough to keep perspective when everything isnt lining up. and then suddenly i lost it all. i thought i had "lost myself". which, in retrospect, makes me feel more than hyprocritical since my favorite catch-phrase has always been "life is not about finding yourself, its about creating yourself". re-evaluation, personal growth, call it what you want, i got a shocking dose of it, and suddenly feel like everything is falling into place again. quarter life crisis. we hear it a lot these days. and while i am undoubtedly experiencing it with those around me, we also have the capacity to understand thats its temporary. unequivocally excellent is what evy told me, and we are. i may be in newport taking an extra year to line up my life, i may not like my job one bit, but the people who surround me are unequivocally excellent, and sometimes i think we all take that for granted. we're all so determined to be "successful" immediately, because we are accustomed to that. we are a generation that excells to the point where ordinary doesnt exist. we are extraordinary. crisis averted. i'm waiting now. hoping that reality and perspective kick in. becuase i havent fallen out of love. and this crisis does and will hit everyone, we just have to wait. | | |
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